I grew up in a little city named Dyersburg,Tennessee. There was one huge high school were all manners or races and religions attended. The south is not historically thought of as forward and progressive, but there is no other choice but to progress when all the population are being taught as one. Naturally, there was a number of barriers that divided genders and races. None of them were enough to blockade the wonderful process of socialization. I found out that the socialization part was critical. It really separated me from the pack later. I was a young black man who appreciated teenage hormones and the Baskins Robbins like environment (Multiple Flavors) of girls.
People often grow up with an ingorance of other races. Therefore, many stick close to their own race. They fear what their parents and friends may say, as well as the fear of the unknown. I liked only black girls, until middle school. I was not dating white girls because I did not know how. How do you tell your mom that your friend is white after hearing a ton of white jokes over the years? It can be a confusing and risky task that some do not want to engage. As a result, I went through middle school and high school dating great black chicks and everyone else was off limits do to self imposed and societally imposed ignorance. I missed out on the friendship of a bunch of potential girls of other races. There were many cute white chicks whom I could still name. There were beautiful Indian girls, Asian girls, and races of girls that I had no clue about. I left Dyersburg with small crushes that shall never be known.
I dated the first white friend ever while in college. Maybe I should not use the term dated. It was a fun fling, and the result of a drinking game called questions. She was nowhere near as pretty as the girls from Dyersburg. She was simply the answer to my curiosity. Many can relate to this part of the story. TIP: Protect yourself when satisfying your promiscuous curiosity. The only thing that I learned from that episode was that someone from another race could actually be affectionate and attracted to me. It felt gratifying and empowering. The whole world opened to me. I did not know if someone really beautiful could like me, but I now knew that there was no secret code that said ignore the other race.
I later dated a reasonably attractive white woman who really liked me. She helped me to break many molds. I was 5 feet and 6 inches standing next to her at 5 feet 8 inches. That let me know that I could date white and taller. She had the great body black men love. She was thick. Contrary to popular belief, many of us like symmetrical women. This woman was very balanced. She became more than lust. She was so awesome and cool, that it became alarming to me. She laughed at my jokes, she cooked for me, she was sexy, and sexually giving. She was intellectually compatible and culturally connective. I felt myself on the verge of falling in love and it scared me. Again, I wondered what would people say if I am married to a white woman, and one who I had to look up to! She respected me greatly, but I let her down. It was my first huge lesson in fear of the unknown and ignorance of life. I backed away, and I never saw her again after Navy boot camp.
I went to Japan while in the US Navy. I was really not feeling interracial and international relationships. It would have been the double whammy. I was ignorant of seemingly every race and culture. I scared and scarred myself back into only black relationships because it seemed safe. TIP:This is a common mistake. I began a new world wide education on women, life, races, and culture. I learned so much, that it even helped me to be less homophobic. I had respected friends from every walk of life, and multiple nations. This helped me to develop a respect for the heart of a person. Every woman became potentially beautiful in my eyes again. I dated a few Japanese girls in my home port of Yokosuka, Japan. I eventually found a diamond in the rough. She was really cute and super loyal. She was very cool and often witty. We developed a great relationship over a two and a half year period. We went everywhere, and did everything together like twins.
Again, I broke someone's heart because of fear, ignorance, and maybe selfishness. I actually loved her, and still allowed myself to leave at the end of my Navy contract. She was a little insanely jealous. However, that should not have been enough to give up on us. I went back to the United States, and we agreed to keep in touch. That never quite worked out because I wound up marrying someone else. I moved on, but it never would have happened if it were not for fear and ignorance. I did learn the lesson of a life time. It was at the expense of another person's heart and many hard days for me during the growth process.Lessons were learned.
How does a person overcome these obstacles? Let me help. The very first thing that a person has to do is be culturally socialized. A person has to be a student of the other person's culture. If I respected my dear friend enough, I should have learned the culture, the language, and the lady. This is one of the top thought processes to overcome interracial challenges. If you do not devote yourself to this study, offense is inevitable.It took me a long time to learn, but I learned that there are many great women underneath the the outer layer called skin. There are scholars, politicians, educators, innovators, and genuinely awesome women who simply wanted to be loved 100% of the time and lusted after at least 50% of the time. They want to be appreciated. Forget about their skin when it comes to loving them. This applies to both genders.
The number one reason why interracial couples fail is the lack of understanding of love. They say love never fails. It is only true when there is a proper understanding of love. Love is dying to self for the benefit of another. Kill your own selfish desires, and set them aside for the benefit of another. This is love that can never fail because you are always in charge of not allowing it to fail. It has nothing to do with race and every thing to do with sacrifice. It is not just interracial couples, but all sorts of couples who never get that. The hard knowledge obtained in life has afforded me the opportunity to be successful as a relationship expert, but the road to wisdom was not user friendly. Take my advice and see love prosper and be fruitful.
Just a review of the most important things:
- A person has to be a student of the other person's culture.
- Forget about the skin when it comes to loving people.
- Love can not fail if you properly define it and act upon it.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment